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Tag: science careers
October 14, 2011
Cabinet of Curiosity repeatable pattern = I want this as one of those laptop sleeves.
I might also see if I can use this for my twitter background.
By the talented Sakura Snow, via the always awesome Fresh Photons.
October 5, 2011
The most important thing I learned from a teacher. via@boingboing @maggiekb1 @stevesilberman
This paragraph about the unmeasured successes of what good teachers do is just about pitch perfect. The essays that the post refers are also well worth a look.
“The role that teachers play in influencing the lives of their students is something that’s been lost in current debates about education mandates and standardized testing. Teaching isn’t just about making sure kids can pass exams. It’s also about helping future adults find their gifts, discover their interests, and learn who they want to be. That’s a hard thing to quantify. You can’t really put together a concise list of “Children I’ve Inspired” for a CV. But this is the part of a teacher’s job that is the most lasting. What we remember about good teachers isn’t necessarily the dry facts they taught us, it’s the doors they opened, the curiosity they kindled, and the moments where they made us rethink everything.”
Via Boing Boing.
October 5, 2011
An Open Letter to the Human Resources Department of the Superfriends
(Another old humour piece of mine – this one you can find at McSweeney’s)
By DAVID NG
Dear Mr. Superman, Mr. Batman, Ms. Wonder Woman, and other esteemed do-gooders,
Although I have been waiting patiently for a few years in the hope that an advertisement would appear, I feel for the sake of my career that now is a good time to approach you. In essence, I am wondering whether you are, or will be, accepting any new members into your fine organization. More specifically, I am inquiring as to whether you need the services of a geneticist, since that is my particular field of expertise.
Part of the reason I am contacting you now is that I suspect you are possibly hurt by the unwarranted waning in public interest associated with your group, a symptom that likely correlates to the soaring popularity of some of your competitors—the X-Men and Spider-Man, to name two.
Anyway, this is why I think I can help—as a geneticist, I can bring a lot to the table. To me, it’s no coincidence that the X-Men, Spider-Man, and the like are mostly a consequence of fortuitous genetic modification.
More specifically, my knowledge in genetics can directly tackle your weaknesses. For instance, current genetic technologies could be utilized to offset Mr. Superman’s annoying kryptonite problem. Whether it’s the result of something specific in his genetic makeup or the result of the rest of society having some sort of innate immunity, the issue at stake is a difference in biological makeup. This, of course, makes it a perfect candidate for targeted gene therapy.
Mr. Batman could also benefit greatly from a genetic analysis. I would not be surprised if his manic-depressive tendencies are hard to manage and counterproductive to the group as a whole. Here we can perform a few diagnostic genetic tests, which can then go to great lengths to effectively pinpoint and manage these potentially bothersome tendencies.
Even Ms. Wonder Woman could stand to gain from my genetic expertise. Clearly, engaging in intensive hand-to-hand combat with her sizable chest is problematic. But how exactly would you perform breast-reduction surgery—or any surgery, for that matter—when an individual’s magic bracelets are constantly maneuvering to defend against an incoming scalpel? My point is that you don’t have to—I may be able to do something about this by using current genetic-manipulation methodologies.
And just imagine what could be done with cloning. The mind reels, does it not?
Now, with respect to fighting crime, I think that, overall, it wouldn’t take much effort to transform me into a fully functional Superfriend. I already have a well-equipped laboratory facility, which, with your help, could easily be relocated to the appropriate underground cave, glacier, secret island, or space station.
As for a costume, I own several lab coats, which, when worn with a good pair of spandex pants, will, I’m sure, sufficiently instill some semblance of fear into those who choose to do battle with me. I would offer to wear some retro-looking goggles as well, but, unfortunately, I need my prescription glasses, and, well, contacts tend to make my eyes itch.
Although I can’t fly, and I don’t own anything close to resembling a Batmobile or an invisible jet, I do drive around in one of those stylish yet practical Mazda MPVs. If you recall, this is Mazda’s very popular minivan model (you know—zoom zoom!), which would probably look quite superheroish were I to paint some lightning bolts or DNA strands on its sides.
Also, if it helps, I know quite a few physicists who may be able to lend a hand with Ms. Wonder Woman’s embarrassing “the jet is invisible but I’m clearly not” situation.
Yours sincerely,
Dr. David Ng
University of British Columbia
Vancouver, BC, Canada
September 29, 2011
The importance of stupidity.
“I recently saw an old friend for the first time in many years. We had been Ph.D. students at the same time, both studying science, although in different areas. She later dropped out of graduate school, went to Harvard Law School and is now a senior lawyer for a major environmental organization. At some point, the conversation turned to why she had left graduate school. To my utter astonishment, she said it was because it made her feel stupid. After a couple of years of feeling stupid every day, she was ready to do something else.
I had thought of her as one of the brightest people I knew and her subsequent career supports that view. What she said bothered me. I kept thinking about it; sometime the next day, it hit me. Science makes me feel stupid too. It’s just that I’ve gotten used to it. So used to it, in fact, that I actively seek out new opportunities to feel stupid. I wouldn’t know what to do without that feeling. I even think it’s supposed to be this way. Let me explain. (read more).
A great article by Martin Schwartz on what makes research both scary and downright wonderful.
September 26, 2011
The N.I.H. rejects Dr. Phil
By DAVID NG
Dear Dr. Phil,
Thank you for submitting your application for the director’s position at the National Institutes of Health. As the N.I.H. is the principal force guiding America’s efforts in medical research, we have strived to consider every candidate’s application seriously.
Our first impression was not a good one. You have a loud and exuberant manner that is an oddity in our network of colleagues, and for the duration of the interview process, you were physically sitting on top of Dr. James Watson (a man considerably smaller than you), oblivious to his muffled and strained murmurs beneath you. We found this quite distracting and wonder what this reflects of your character. Furthermore, although he has only a minor role in the selection process, the Nobel laureate was quite put out. As the conversation continued, we found other characteristics that troubled us. Your commitment to, as you call it, “big ideas,” whilst commendable, seemed a tad impetuous. Your mention of using your television program or perhaps “your good friend” Oprah’s television program to (in your own words) “GIVE FREE GENE THERAPY TO EACH AND EVERY MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE!” is frankly very unsettling to us.
In truth, we fear that your celebrity status may ultimately impede our principal mandate of excellence in health research. Although some of our members thought it wonderful that you have a Muppet in your likeness on “Sesame Street,” your list of other references (e.g., “I drink scotch with Kelsey Grammer on a regular basis”) hardly elicits confidence. To be blunt, your scientific C.V. is poor and your repeated attempts to demonstrate your scientific prowess were laughable at best. (Adjusting the pH in your hot tub does not count, nor does your vasectomy.)
Finally, we found your tendency to talk in meaningless, corny phrases very irritating. Responses like “Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you” or “You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you” are very confusing, to say the least. In fact, our members felt that overall you were even more irritating than the applicant who used the word “testicular” 67 times in his interview. One member of our hiring committee actually wrote the comment “Who the [expletive] is this guy—Foghorn Leghorn doing Yoda?”
Consequently, the hiring committee regrets to inform you that your application has not been shortlisted for further consideration at this time. Please tell Ms. Winfrey to stop bothering us.
Yours sincerely,
Dr. Paul Batley Johnson
Hiring Committee
National Institutes of Health
(One of my older humour pieces – original link here)
September 19, 2011
Hadn’t heard of this before, but it’s brilliant: the Dihydrogen monoxide hoax
“In the dihydrogen monoxide hoax, water is called by an unfamiliar name, “dihydrogen monoxide”, followed by a listing of real negative effects of this chemical, in a mock attempt to convince people that it should be carefully regulated, labeled as hazardous, or banned. The hoax is designed to illustrate how the lack of scientific literacy and an exaggerated analysis can lead to misplaced fears.[1] “Dihydrogen monoxide”, shortened to “DHMO”, is a name for water that is consistent with basic rules of chemical nomenclature,[2] but is not among the names published by IUPAC[3] and is almost never used.”
Via Wikipedia
And related to the same hoax:
“A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”
And for plenty of good reasons, since:
it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
it is a major component in acid rain
it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
accidental inhalation can kill you
it contributes to erosion
it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three (43) said yes,
six (6) were undecided,
and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”
He feels the conclusion is obvious.”
Via the newsgroup: rec.humor.funny
August 31, 2011
The tenured track job ad you’ve had nightmares about.
A UNIVERSITY JOB POSTING (OR BECOMING A PROFESSOR IS HARD THESE DAYS)
By DAVID NG
This is a call for outstanding candidates to apply for a tenure track assistant professor position within the context of the Michael Smith Laboratories at the University of British Columbia. The successful applicant is expected to work in areas of interest to current faculty members, to interact with related groups within our network and to have demonstrated ability in producing research material of excellent quality and interest.
Due to the competitive nature of this process, we ask that all candidates at the very least meet the following criteria:
The candidate’s current area of specialty must contain at least fourteen syllables.
The candidate’s expertise must speak naturally to collaborations with the disciplines of science history, Jungian philosophy, international peacekeeping, French Canadian politics, molecular genetics, early 80s pop music criticism, and West African cuisine.
The candidate must be able to “flex arm hang” for a minimum of twelve minutes.
The candidate must exhibit no more than two degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon.
The candidate must be able to rub their tummy and pat their head at the same time.
The candidate must be, in no uncertain terms, hot.
In addition, short listed candidates will be subjected to a rigorous interview process that will likely involve puppetry, ultimate fighting, and some interpretative dance techniques. This, of course, might be televised nationally on CBS, so it is advisable that all applicants prepare in advance for these skill sets.
The successful applicant will covet a salary that will commensurate with experience and research record, but realistically is dependant on an obligation to play as the principle string in the University’s Chinese Orchestra during the first three years of his/her track.
We will also endeavor to provide the applicant with reasonable research space, and note that we have one of the country’s best supply of camping gear, should this be an issue. We do however ask that successful candidates will themselves provide start up funds to the sum of $1000, which must be used within 48 hours. During that period, you will, of course, be wearing brightly covered overalls and have access to a skilled carpenter who will almost certainly be just as hot as you.
Our university is one of the leaders in North America with strong connections with many well regarded institutes, and we look forward to continuing this tradition with this placement. We hire on the basis of merit and are committed to employment equity. We encourage all qualified persons to apply; however citizens and permanent residents will be given priority. No losers please.
August 18, 2011
Stupid science writing tips.
By DAVID NG
In your story, it is good to insert either the line “Now, at last, we can save the world!,” or “Dear God. What have I done?” For extra conflict, insert both.
Be aware that the majority of the Elements in the Periodical Table end in “ium.” This makes rhyming really easy.
Sex, drugs, blood and guts – really now, this is just an invitation to write about mate selection, pharmaceuticals, and anatomy.
When in doubt, chemists are the bad guys, physicists are the good guys, and biologists are generally the ones with the best hair.
Bacteria make good antagonists. Plus, they are literally everywhere – this only adds to their aura as an awesome force to be reckon with.
If you plan on using the “=” symbol, please be certain that the two sides are indeed equivalent. If they’re not, mathematicians will be irked.
Go out on a limb. Don’t be afraid to use the words, “Uranus”, “friction” and/or “sperm” vicariously.
Try using Boolean logic in your plot lines. Bonus marks if you can also use the word Boolean in your plot line. Extra extra bonus marks if your plot line can be express as a y=mx+b equation.
And finally, for the love of all that is good, please no articles on Scientology.
popperfont.net 