By DAVID NG

In your story, it is good to insert either the line “Now, at last, we can save the world!,” or “Dear God. What have I done?” For extra conflict, insert both.

Be aware that the majority of the Elements in the Periodical Table end in “ium.” This makes rhyming really easy.

Sex, drugs, blood and guts – really now, this is just an invitation to write about mate selection, pharmaceuticals, and anatomy.

When in doubt, chemists are the bad guys, physicists are the good guys, and biologists are generally the ones with the best hair.

Bacteria make good antagonists. Plus, they are literally everywhere – this only adds to their aura as an awesome force to be reckon with.

If you plan on using the “=” symbol, please be certain that the two sides are indeed equivalent. If they’re not, mathematicians will be irked.

Go out on a limb. Don’t be afraid to use the words, “Uranus”, “friction” and/or “sperm” vicariously.

Try using Boolean logic in your plot lines. Bonus marks if you can also use the word Boolean in your plot line. Extra extra bonus marks if your plot line can be express as a y=mx+b equation.

And finally, for the love of all that is good, please no articles on Scientology.