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April 25, 2012

When Celebrities, Who Have Been Cloned in the Movies, Get Together For a Coffee

I wrote this waay back in 2005. Could do with a bit of an update (I’m sure there’s a lot more in the cloning genre now…)

– – –

By DAVID NG

SETTING: A Starbucks in L.A. – three celebrities are sitting at a table with their coffees and sharing a newspaper, a fourth is walking towards the table with his coffee.

FADE IN

MICHAEL KEATON
(Approaching the table)
Man, I really need this now.

(Sits down, whilst the others nod or wave).
Is there a free section of paper?

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
You vant the sports section?

MICHAEL KEATON
Sure.
(Takes the paper and starts looking at the front page)

(A few minutes of silence as everyone reads their newspaper)

HITLER
(Slams his paper down and stands up).
Dis ist terrible! As Fuehrer of the German people and Chancellor of the Reich, I cannot agree with dis. Vee must fight. Neither force of arms nor lapse of time vill conquer Germany. It ist infantile to hope for the disintegration of our people. Mr. Bush may be convinced that America vill win. I do not doubt for a single moment that Germany vill be victorious. Destiny vill decide who is right. One thing only ist certain. In the course of world history, there have never been two victors, but very often only losers.

MICHAEL KEATON
Whoa easy there Adolf. Is that de-caf you’re drinking there buddy?

PIKACHU:
Pikachu! Pikachu!

MICHAEL KEATON:
Hey, look at this, Governor Arnold. Looks like you’re in the paper today.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
I know, isn’t it swell? My biceps looked especially good on that day.

MICHAEL KEATON
(sipping his coffee)
Yeah, pretty cool, pretty cool. I’ve got to ask though, what’s it like being a Governor of California anyway?

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Oh, you know, nothing special really. Besides, what makes you so sure that it is me and not my clone.
(Everyone chuckles).

HITLER
Hey, I saw Spider Man 2 yesterday – it vas really good. Hey Michael, do dat funny thing I like.

MICHAEL KEATON
You mean this.
(Grabs Arnold by the shirt lapels and pulls him close to his face)

I’m Batman!

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
(Laughing)
Ya, that kills me too.

PIKACHU
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(Darth Vader, the Lord of Sith then approaches the table)

DARTH VADER
Hello Arnold, may I join you?

HITLER
(Standing up and cutting in)
I’m sorry Mr Vader, but dis table ist reserved only for celebrities who have been cloned in zee movies.

DARTH VADER
(Facing Arnold)
Your destiny lies with me Schwarzenegger. Obi-Wan knew this to be true.

(Turning to Hitler, with two raised fingers and speaking very deliberately)
I am welcome to join you for coffee.

HITLER
(In a sort of trance)
You are velcome to join us for coffee.

DARTH VADER
Here, please have my seat.

HITLER
Here, please have my seat.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Darth! Stop that now!
(Hitler shakes his head)

The ‘cyborg’ coffee group doesn’t meet until tomorrow morning.

DARTH VADER
(Turning to Arnold)
Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me.

MICHAEL KEATON
(Tapping his finger on Darth Vader’s arm)
Umm, buddy, I think Arnold told you to get lost.

DARTH VADER
(Looking at everyone)
Hmmmpph, very well.

(Turns away and leaves)

MICHAEL KEATON
(Quietly)
Loser.

PIKACHU
Pffffsssstttt!

FADE OUT
.

* Michael Keaton was in “Multiplicity,” Arnold Schwarzenegger was in “The Sixth Day,” Hitler was in “The Boys of Brazil,” and Pikachu was in “Pokemon, the First Movie: Mew vs MewTwo”

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April 25, 2012

Using math formulae to create your next hairstyle.

From reddit via zappablamma.

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April 25, 2012

When Pi reversed equals Pie.

Not sure of the source of this one, although the actual idea is everywhere on the net.

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April 24, 2012

Chemicus Service Set: I am very tempted to order 24 of these for my lab.

Well, not really… plus, then I would also need to wallpaper the space as well. Ironically, I wouldn’t be surprise if the price is not too far off from the price point of the scientific equipment.

From the Art.Lebedev Studio (note that the “process” section is also pretty cool), via Fresh Photons.

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April 24, 2012

Phases of the moon (80’s videogame style)

By Mitra Farmand, via Hey Oscar Wilde!

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April 24, 2012

Keep Calm and Carry a Pipetteman. Molecular Biology Workshop Game On! Please RT

As usual, my lab will be hosting a professional workshop for those in need of a molecular biology updating; or for those who are new to the area and need a quick (and intensive) course on the subject. The 5 days do include both hands on and lecture style elements, and it’s also an excuse to come to beautiful Vancouver.

Also, don’t forget that all revenue from this workshop goes towards our public science outreach programs (like our fieldtrips, science writing, phylomon, etc – see bioteach.ubc.ca).

I’d thought I’d include the notice in my blog, because I had a bit of graphic design fun with our poster. Maybe this is even geeky enough to consider turning into a tshirt?

Anyway, if you’re a scientist (or not – we’ve had some lawyers and an economist attend before), and you need some highly recommended molecular biology training, please do follow the link at the bottom, and maybe I’ll see you in July!

(Click here to download pdf poster)

To inquire about registration, please contact Dr. David Ng at db@interchange.ubc.ca

(1) ONE WEEK VERSION
Dates: July 23rd to July 27th, 2012 (5 days: Monday to Friday)
Price: CAN$1400 (does not include room or board)

Reviews and Testimonies can be found here.

INSTRUCTOR: Dr. David Ng

DESCRIPTION: Updated for 2012: This intense 5 day workshop will focus on a myriad of different techniques used in the molecular manipulation of DNA (general cloning, transformation, silica kits, pI kits, PCR, qPCR), RNA (isolation, reverse transcription) and protein (SDS-PAGE, 2D gels), as well as inclusion of exercises in some basic bioinformatics tools. Primarily aimed at researchers who are new to the area, familiar but require a quick updating, or would like more practical bench training.

For full details, please see here.

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April 24, 2012

Why is it called a “parliament of owls” and other such collective nouns?

I was listening to the radio as we were coming to the lab this morning, and one of the things that caught my ear was a quick mention of collective nouns. Now these are instances where there is a special and specific term that is coined for a group of things. Wiki describes it as follows:

In linguistics, a collective noun is a word used to define a group of objects, where “objects” can be people, animals, emotions, inanimate things, concepts, or other things. For example, in the phrase “a pride of lions,” pride is a collective noun.

Then it kind of struck me that this sort of thing is most commonly seen when referring to things related to biodiversity, and I guess I got curious as to why that was.

I mean, who came up with phrases like “a parliament of owls” or a “knot of toads” (which, by the way, I think are perfect)? And maybe just as fun, if you were a zoologist or a botanist, and you happen to discover something totally new and novel in the kingdom of life, do you get to embellish the English language further by making up your own collective nouns?

Anyway, wiki sheds a little light on the matter by highlighting a reference that looks like it could be interesting:

Hodgkin, John. Proper Terms: An attempt at a rational explanation of the meanings of the Collection of Phrases in “The Book of St Albans,” 1486, entitled “The Compaynys of beestys and fowlys” and similar lists., Transactions of the Philological Society 1907-1910 Part III, pp 1 – 187, Kegan, Paul, Trench & Trübner & Co, Ltd, London, 1909.

And whilst on the hunt for this paper on the internet, I came across this great piece of academic writing.

Bonus is that you can download the whole thing from here (if your university has an institutional subscription), which is where things get really interesting.

Basically, the paper outlines a variety of texts over the years where lists of collective nouns were provided. Furthermore, historically it seems as if most of these terms (which are often referred to as “terms of venery“) come from a hunting, British, or French and aristocratic background.

What’s wonderful about the paper is that, although 15 pages long: only 2 and half is the primary text, another 2 and a half is a list of these terms of the venery, and then the remaining 10 or so pages are detailed footnotes with particular information on specific collective nouns.

Here’s a few great samplers:

Well, maybe: bizarre?

More so when you read the bit about “primitive” versus “civilized” women (see bolded text below). Extra surrealness when you learn that this patent was filed in 1965! (not say, much earlier, which was my original guess)

The present invention relates to apparatus which utilizes centrifugal force to facilitate the birth of a child at less stress to the mother.

It is known, that due to natural anatomical conditions, the fetus needs the application of considerable propelling force to enable it to push aside the constricting vaginal walls, to overcome the friction of the uteral and vaginal surfaces and to counteract the atmospheric pressure opposing the emergence of the child. In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement.

From Google Patents.

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April 22, 2012

Is the microscope an instrument of the Devil?

From goats.com.

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April 20, 2012

Things that are curious: Can a machine tickle?

It begins:

“It has been observed at least since the time of Aristotle that people cannot tickle themselves, but the reason remains elusive.”

What we have here is a research paper (by CHRISTINE R. HARRIS and NICHOLAS CHRISTENFELD) that looks at a variety of hypotheses (namely two called the reflex and the interpersonal)on this phenomenon, and then attempts to discern the two by using a “tickling machine.” Here’s the rest of the abstract:

Two sorts of explanations have been suggested. The interpersonal explanation suggests that tickling is fundamentally interpersonal and thus requires another person as the source of the touch. The reflex explanation suggests that tickle simply requires an element of unpredictability or uncontrollability and is more like a reflex or some other stereotyped motor pattern. To test these explanations, we manipulated the perceived source of tickling. Thirty-five subjects were tickled twice–once by the experimenter, and once, they believed, by an automated machine. The reflex view predicts that our “tickle machine” should be as effective as a person in producing laughter, whereas the interpersonal view predicts significantly attenuated responses. Supporting the reflex view, subjects smiled, laughed, and wiggled just as often in response to the machine as to the experimenter. Self-reports of ticklishness were also virtually identical in the two conditions. Ticklish laughter evidently does not require that the stimulation be attributed to another person, as interpersonal accounts imply.

The entire paper is here (in pdf format) for you to take a look at, but I thought the Apparatus and Materials section in the Methodology was worth sharing additionally (i.e. how to build a tickling machine).

The tickle machine was designed to look and sound like a robotic hand that was capable of movement without the experimenter’s assistance. The hand was attached by a long flexible hose to an impressive array of equipment that could plausibly control its motion. This equipment, when turned on, produced a vibrating sound that could be that of a genuine robotic apparatus.

You know, I’d be real curious to see what the grant application looked like for this type of research…